Well, Margaret Mountford in her Daily Telegraph Apprentice Watch column did warn that for this week in the boardroom "...for the first time this series, the gloves are truly off. "
The teams were subject to some swapping around to let them all get to know one another better and to prevent cliques developing. James led the Empire team and had to impress because he was one of the two that made it out of the boardroom last week with their tails between their legs, as opposed to tail completely cut-off with said victim musically delivered into the departing taxi for a ride across London and not back to the plush apartment for another round.
Debra led the other team - Ignite - and who can forget her from week one? She had been one of the escaping two that week after proving to the viewers and a couple of her colleagues that she's so ambitious in this matter she's prepared to bend the truth. Sort of to the extent of booking a Ryanair flight to the Arctic, only to find yourself transported to the Antarctic, having to pay £1 for every visit to the bathroom, every drip of necessary liquidation and the full cost of flying back to base to go through it all again.
This week's task concerned the design, production, marketing and sales of a new piece of portable exercise equipment. Some might interpret "new" as "original". But this was The Apprentice and creative thought was severely lacking on one team.
This turned into a rather predictable programme, if you were alert. The edits had all the pointers. In opening scenes, in the back seat of the vehicle, Ben declared "Whoever is up against me, their arseholes are going to be twitching like rabbits' noses". A potentially egg on face statement, if ever there was one. Ben for the boardroom? Or could he scramble his own resources before having to slice and dice someone else's hard boiled globe into a kedgeree? Ben later added "I've come up with a bloody great product, I've even shocked myself". Me too, as it happens.
But he also surprised team-leader (TL) James, in a bad way; it was all over his ever expressive face. Yes, you can stow the thing away under the bed at night, but it looked like the product of a bunch of teenagers in a physics lesson who knew how to use glue but who hadn't yet outgrown their Blue Peter years. Who the hell would buy it?
And let's not forget the other serious edit in all this: the product started out as "bingo buster" or "wing worker". When pursuing the production of the prototype, we saw a scene where Majid went hell for leather in chucking away the KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid) with his two female colleagues, effectively kicking it into the gutter. Suddenly the bingo wing focus turned into added opportunities, as Majid used all his limbs to demonstrate push and pull in all directions, and we ended up with the juvenile "Home Multi-Tone". The women did nothing but silently agree as Majid rambled.
It has to be said that Debra's team had an eleventh hour creative thought on product, after much... well of nothing really, not even constructive thought. Philip suggested a foam cube version of the Swedish ball, proving he'd completely missed out on physics lessons or had never been near a gym or a physio for an explanation as to how it works. At one point Debra had suggested an ankle exerciser, but who'd want that? But the resulting product proved to be fine and "on the ball" - please excuse the pun.
The "Bumball" had Philip demonstrating on occasions to exhibit the muscles toned. At first he looked like John Sergeant on the Strictly dance floor and he followed this with an impression of a tellytubby wobbling down a hill while using an invisible hula hoop. That man can gyrate his hips for the whole world, if everyone is interested. This product ultimately became the "Bodyrocka" and in one pitch Philip cut in with this comment "I think this will be the ipod of fitness products". But it did look good and professional when the prototype was delivered.
In that same group, poor Lorraine volunteered to do the pitching to the buyers (x3) and control freak TL Debra had her pitching to the team to be able to do so. It did not augur well, but Lorraine kept improving. At the first boardroom meeting, Debra tried to make Lorraine the scapegoat just in case they lost. Shock of the night was Philip being an immediate knight in shining armour, turning into Lorraine's best advocate and supporter, silencing Debra in the process. After two weeks of negativity and bitchiness, had someone given him some happy pills? This was not a turn, but a reinvention, and Philip now looks like a contender, as does Lorraine, who worked hard on her pitch.
The sales pitches saw eyes bulging and other horrified responses, but at the end of the day, Ignite (Debra's team) hooked it with 10,180 orders as compared with Empire's (James) 500.
When the boys were back in the boardroom, for it was a selection of the boys that made it there for Empire, it was no surprise to see James (TL); Ben and Majid. And it was hairy and loud to say the least. Both Ben and James delivered. But I was astounded that no one picked up on Majid's negative contribution to keeping it simple. He had made a significant contribution on this occasion and it was dire. He took the focused "simple" and added bells and whistles x 7, with his two colleagues saying nothing.
Rightly, this week, it was Majid who took the tail-docking, for lack of presence in the main and being on the periphery for three weeks (noted Sugar). Ben was commended for "sticking his neck out" and James got the lucky break (again). Next week we have the delights of the production of an original body care product. Let's be glad we don't have smelly-telly. It could be Lush at 10 paces.
Time will tell, Norm...
Don't see them as less able than the folks that have gone before! And the politics play out as per usual...
Posted by: cfr | 13 April 2009 at 21:32
I don't know about firing Majid but the person who ordered 500 of that awful box of wires should be on a revision course in sales and marketing.
Are the candidates weaker and weirder this year or am getting more crotchety? The second part of that was a rhetorical question! :o)
Or is it that the more sensible candidates keep a lower profile in the early rounds?
Posted by: Norm | 13 April 2009 at 20:09