Friday evening is fast turning into diatribe evening.
Last week it was the impudent daring of the media to suggest that J.K.Rowling does not spend her money as a "celebrity" should, which caught my eye. This week, I came home to an email from book2book about "celebrity publishing", which said:
"Such is the lure of the bookshelf in the aisles that when mass-market imprints want to hire a commissioning editor these days, they nip out and pick one up from Tesco. But will these top-dollar deals from the School of Jordan be shrewd investments for the buyers, or just enormous boobs? Alas, we can't even call a premium-rate line to cast our vote."
I loved the last line on that one. The link was to an article in The Independent which has done the rounds of finding out what "celebrities" have been signed up for, for mega bucks, to tell their stories. So here we have it, The Indie's list and my own thoughts:
Kerry Katona with "Too Much too Young" - The Indie suggests that the title may in future be inscribed on the tombstones of many foolhardy publishers". I agree. This ever foolhardy and increasing culture of "celebrity" has at its heart an underlying dependence on short-termism. Katona's appearance on "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" was eons ago. Reliance on Iceland ads does not feature personality. I think it will bomb.
Jack Osbourne with "21 Years Gone" - it may be a life of just 21 years, but anything "Osbourne family" seems to capture the public's imagination. It'll sell, but not overly well; he doesn't have his mummy's public profile, or her history.
Chantelle Houghton with "Living the Dream" - her Big Brother appearance was some time ago now, but she did have a Jonathan Ross talk show appearance recently with her hubby-to-be. I anticipate lots of promo allowing a pretty good initial show in sales, then a very fast slide down.
Pete Bennett, the recent Big Brother winner who has Tourette's has been signed by Random House. The signing is prompt, so this shows promise. If more become aware of the reality of Tourette's then this might be a worthy addition to the shelves. One I think will make a payback.
Billy Piper - oh I think this one will sell and extremely well. Piper has achieved a very wide audience in her short years, from the very young, courtesy of Dr Who, to the quite old (also likely courtesy of the same). It's also based on talent and actually doing something; and neither does she concentrate on one thing, she moves on and stretches herself. In that short life, Piper has packed in much more than many in twice the number of years. She's also been dripping comments into the media about just how awful life was as a teenage pop star, and how she and Chris Evans met at a dreadful time in both their lives. This, I reckon, will pack a great punch and sell extremely well.
When it comes to "The Gospel According to Chris Moyles - another Random House extravaganza - then, given the title, thoughts of extra-judicial crucifixion do spring to mind" says The Indie. I've heard of him; caught him on "Celebrity X-Factor" one or two times when I must have been eating dinner (about the only time I might see the TV on an ad hoc basis) - he's a popular DJ, on Radio One. But do young listeners who share his taste in music want to read what he has to say? I suspect sales, but the lack-lustre variety.
The Indie also asks and comments "Did Little, Brown really pay, as credible sources maintain, a cool million for Rupert Everett's star-struck reminiscences, Red Carpets and other Banana Skins? If so, that title might, like Katona's, prove a touch too prophetic for comfort." The Indie has overlooked a couple of things here. Everett is a "friend" of Madonna. He's also a man many heterosexual women love and also love to hate the fact he's homosexual. He's even caught the eye of my 73 year old mother, for goodness sake. ("He's gay isn't he? What a waste!" says she. Well for some, yes. For others not at all.) Seriously though, Everett is old school when it comes to autobiographies - he's an actor, not a "celebrity". It all depends what's in there, but I suspect the "million", if true, is over the top. He's not Gielgud or Olivier in their day, after all. But the Madonna friendship factor may prove to be key. I'd anticipate reasonable sales, but nothing to get him into bestsellers' list, even with a big promo budget. He needs a bigger profile right now, however gorgeous he is. It's that old short-termism thingy again.
Terry Wogan with "Mustn't Grumble" - according to The Indie he had a "stupendous advance making 'Mustn't Grumble' - the understatement of the publishing year?" Like Everett, it depends what he has to say. The Indie also notes his "evergreen appeal". I strongly suspect that this is a dark horse that could be in the bestsellers' list for weeks, if not months. The 40+ group, who cringed at hearing him when young, when their mothers tuned into his show on the radio, are now listening to him and finding him talented, skillful and entertaining (and cringing at that the thought that they cringed before). Endless pages on The Eurovision Song Contest would kill the book. But I don't think he'd do that. The only risk is that he'll play safe and become a boring autobiograahy/biography. My money's on evergreen sales for this one. This could be a dark horse emerging from a Trojan horse.
Gary Barlow with "My Take" on his time with the band "Take That"- its history, long gone. Those who enjoyed the intrigue at the time have moved on. They've now got lives with mortgages to pay, kids to feed and educate as best they can, and they're juggling all sorts of stuff. I wish Barlow all the best as he is very talented. But hoping to take on the "celebrity" world right now, with a book about his life is misdirected. Whoever signed him up, should be shot on sight - there could have been many more worthy books that the public would be interested in - if only you'd done some market research. This one will bomb like Anthea Turner's, or Cherie Blair's history of PMs' wives, if not worse, IMHO.
The Indie concludes with this, a shortened version:
"... In modern Britain, celeb culture acts as a focal point of power and privilege; the new elite who service and profit from it are denying us other voices and choices. Starve the gifted poor; throw money at the undeserving rich; and vilify anyone who points out the emperor's curious lack of clothes. Celebrity publishing belongs to the realm of fairy tales in more ways than one. "
My opinion is this: the culture of "celebrity" is a hollow sham. I take comfort from an observation many years ago that suggests our "quite" young are more able to fight an evergrowing culture than their parents.
In the mid 90s, in an aisle in Sainsbury's in west London, I observed a child, of about ten years of age remonstrate with her mother about buying eco-friendly products. The child won and "eco-friendly" made it into the trolley, the mother now well and truly "educated" about that topic.
This culture we have in the UK of "celebrity" and associated spending to be the same as them is not good.
Today's "celebrities" as touted by the media are boring and have nothing to offer. A true "celebrity" is known because they have a piece of work to offer and appreciate, such as: writing; acting; music; or pursuance of a decent cause/campaign. There are many things, but simply being in the public eye is not one of them, for long lasting memory.
Let's get real, please. And if we do, the bestsellers' list will reflect my thoughts when it comes to the "authors" The Indie has noted in that article. I have faith in humankind. The reading public has discerning taste and will be heard.
"Celebrity" is nothing. An author who has something to say of value, will always have a reader or two or more...
Recent Comments